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Do you fit in or out?

Writer's picture: LauraLaura

I think, for the most part, that humans are hard-wired to try to fit into the group. We are a social species. It's important for us to feel belonging and connection.


Some of us, however, have had the life-long experience of never feeling like we quite fit. For most of my adult life, I've found myself at the periphery of the circles I'm immersed in. While in large groups of people (at church in the past or in a social setting), I find myself wondering if I'm the only person thinking a certain thought about the situation or feeling so out of sync.


For the most part, this has not ended up bothering me much. I recognize that I choose to live differently than many, and I'm okay with this. I have even, in recent years, come to appreciate it as part of my unique brand of Laura-ness.


For example, I choose to dress in mostly thrifted clothing to give garments a new life and keep them out of landfills. When I purchase new clothing or accessories, I choose to only buy from brands that have made efforts to be gentle to the earth and to provide living wages for the workers who make their products. So when I get dressed each day, I am in the minority on this planet.


For most of my adult life, I've been vegetarian; I've been mostly vegan for the last 4 years. Only about 4% of Americans identify themselves as vegetarian, so again .... I'm in the minority when I put food on my plate or try to find food when eating out.


Spiritually, my path has also diverged quite a bit from the norm in this country. Raised as a Christian in a Methodist Church in small-town Iowa, I have searched outside the box of traditional religion and distanced myself from the American Christian church over the past 7 years, finally landing in a place that fills my soul and allows me to connect to Spirit in ways that are more aligned. This divergence again places me on the margins.


Institute for Integrative Nutrition founder, Joshua Rosenthal, gave a lecture in one of my health coaching modules called "Fitting Out". As he says, "if you're already on the perimeter, you're never going to fit in. Instead, embrace fitting out!"


I appreciate this lecture because it allows me to feel solid in giving myself permission to be who I am in the world and to believe in the ripple effect that can come from me showing up authentically.


How do you find yourself clinging to the idea of "fitting in" or embracing "fitting out"? Be vulnerable and share in the comments section.


Photo: Selfie of Laura in her classroom wearing fair-trade earrings, a thrifted top, a belt that's been in her closet for 25 years and an ethically made skirt, made in Togo.

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6 Comments


edmcolpitts
Dec 05, 2023

When I was a child, I was essentially compelled to mature faster than 'normal.' (It was harsh enough that my body grew leaps & bounds beyond my years.) So, I occasionally found myself in situations where I was termed, 'Odd Child,' 'Odd Duck,' 'Rare Bird,' etc. Yet, I still somehow 'fit' into various scenarios. (Later in life, & after persistently sought therapy, I learned why.)

We each have our own truth, & these truths exist to help guide us. During my journey I've learned that I am prevalently (what I call) a Statistical Outlier who intermittently lingers in the Fringe.

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Laura
Laura
Dec 06, 2023
Replying to

I love this. Thank you for sharing your experience. Grateful we have reconnected. 💜

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rlknee621
Dec 05, 2023

I always feel that I "Fit out" when I go to large parties or social events. I'm not good at small talk or telling stories. I hate being the center of attention. These functions always drain me. And it's true they do. I've found in my adult life that I'm an introvert. Some highlights of an introvert: Need quiet to concentrate, feel comfortable being alone and need to retreat from the world to re-energize, prefer writing to talking (I much prefer writing an email or a letter. It gives me time to think of what I want to say-another characteristic of an introvert), have a few close friendships and prefer one on one interaction to big gatherings which …

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Laura
Laura
Dec 05, 2023
Replying to

I am grateful to be part of your tribe!! I am so proud of you for figuring out what works and living fully and authentically as yourself!

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stephanie
Dec 04, 2023

Often times we have no idea on the effect we have on others by being ourselves. Your presence is impactful and the way you so wholly offer sunshine in your smile has always made me feel bettered. Also the fact that you are a person who is truly able to agree to disagree allows people to not feel bad for how they feel but a level of acceptance that they rarely feel in most relationships. You allow them to feel truly accepted.

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Laura
Laura
Dec 05, 2023
Replying to

Awww!! This is so sweet. Thank you for your kind words, my sweet friend. You also bring joy and peace to all who know you. Love you!

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